So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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