trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
