I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
