I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Someone signed my nipple.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
