we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
