She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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