I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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