I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
