I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
