I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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