So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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