i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the condom got lost in my hair
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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