I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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