she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
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I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
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All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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