why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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