Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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