I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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