So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
