you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
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