Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
