apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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