It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
