This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
