i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
