His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize