Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
