It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
