dude i'm inner monologue high
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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