i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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