A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
