My nipple is on Facebook.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
