I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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