is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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