Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
