i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
