I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
