Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
