i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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