I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
