My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
