Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
