I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Randomize
