i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
