Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
