Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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