i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
