This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
