that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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