My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
