I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
