if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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