Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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