What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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