My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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