I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think people are normalizing furries
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
