9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
