I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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