Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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