Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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