using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
