My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
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Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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