GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
