You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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