He had one of those small greek statue penises
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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