There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
