champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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