Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
