remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
