apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
