you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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