you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
