You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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