His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
