i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
