you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
