Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
high people should be assigned attendants
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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