Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
