his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
