he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
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Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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