real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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