i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
