If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
