hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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