halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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